Toast with Honey
I wrote this month’s piece a number of times, revising, cutting, rewriting, and each time I would wander aimlessly into telling a story of discontent and melancholy, only finding space for those pieces of my life that feel inadequate. Though there is value in resting in your own feelings, both light and dark, and letting yourself inhale things that are difficult, I have a habit of forgoing the exhalation. Slow self-suffocation. I’m working on inhaling and exhaling, allowing myself the space to work through its arrival and bid it farewell as it goes, not necessarily leaving it behind but instead making space for new things and new feelings. In light of this, here is a small list of things that have brought me joy this month.
A friend sat across from me and glowed as she talked about someone she loves. Even in the midst of uncertainty in some of her relationships, she remarked fondly about how dear this person is to her, and I was honored to share in that admiration.
Among friends for the first time in over a year, we celebrated another trip around the sun for one of my favorite people. We cooked delicious food together, easily sidetracked by laughter and good conversation. My job was to stir the soup, and I stirred my heart out, even as I wondered if my task simply kept me out of the way of other things.
I’m inching closer to the end of this school year which brings an immense amount of relief. I’m quietly beckoning it on as if it were a small animal, as though I’ll spook it and live forever in this unending semester. Summer, please come soon.
These are significant moments, but every day is full of some joy. Pinning clothes on a line, toast with honey and cinnamon, caffeine doing its job. I certainly am in no place to lecture anyone about finding joy and keeping sadness at bay, but I hope you find a moment to say it out loud or share those small moments with the people you love.
